Let's Connect

The recent pandemic brought connection to a halt, then, while it slowly receded, we reconnected with new interest and desire. Connection is important for our happiness and well-being so it is only fitting that H connects more deeply than anyone I know; sometimes instantly. One of the last days of school, H’s junior year of high school, he comes off the bus excited to talk about his day. 

 

H: “I ate lunch in the white building today.”

“Don’t you usually eat lunch in the red building?”

H: “Yeah, but today everyone ate in the white building.”, then adds, “And, I invited Brian to my open house.”

“Who is Brian?”

H: “A guy that works in the lunchroom in the white building.”

“I am sure Brian’s a great guy but I think we should stick to people you have known for more than 5 minutes, OK?” 

Once a connection, always a connection. Usually his incredible ability to connect and bring people together is part of his charm. Sometimes it means that when he asks if I am still picking him up for coffee he has called and invited others without mentioning it. Sometimes he wants to call friends who he hasn’t called for many years; other times he asks when he can visit teachers from his elementary years– the few that haven’t already retired, the connection still fresh in his mind. He also asks daily how people we know are doing and we have to explain the difference between staying connected and stalking.

 

Deep connections make transitioning hard. H is fiercely connected to his favorite staff, teachers, bus or van drivers, or PCA’s. People move, go to college, switch jobs, or retire and H’s ability to deeply connect can cause a void like no other. Every time his van driver changes he is anxious, wanting to know when he will see the previous van driver again. “When can I visit? When will I see him again?” Our conversation often turns to the last time he had the news that there would be a new van driver, how anxious he was, but he now loves that van driver and is sad to see him go. This time there is a favorite staff member who has been on leave for a few weeks.

 

H: “And, you will need to clip my toenails tomorrow.”

“Why is your staff not clipping your toenails?

H: They don’t know how.”

“They must clip their own. And, it’s a transferable skill.”

H: “What does that mean?”

“That means if they can clip their own toenails, they know how to clip yours.”

H: “I will ask my staff to write you a note saying you need to clip my nails.”

"I don't need them to write a note, you need your toenails clipped and you can’t wait for weeks.”

 

A few years ago, we had the same conversation about shaving. Only one staff could do it, or so we were told until I asked and discovered all of the staff were able to help. Once again, a favorite staff person is currently on leave. H doesn’t know when she will return and he has chosen to hold out as though leaving wouldn’t be an option if he needed her to care for him. Unfortunately that’s not how life works, and he will again need to accept the help from others, making new connections, quickly and permanently.