Support

Driving H back to our house, he excitedly talked about his upcoming “guys” day, when he and his Dad meet his Dad’s friend and son for an afternoon of bowling. H said, “are you going, wait, it’s just the guys, like Dad and Dan.” H’s father gets together with a friend most Sundays for whiskey paired with a football game, family updates or trying to solve the world's problems. An interesting pair with opposite political views and a strong connected friendship. The world could learn a lot studying these two. And, now H had his own “just the guys” event. This belonging and connection also creates a cushion when life trips him up which is exactly what happened this month.

 

When H moved into the group home he and one of the guys became fast friends. He and his friend have rooms across a short hall and shared bathroom from each other.. Facetime calls with H are often interrupted with verbal jabs between these two. They love teasing each other like friends and roommates often do.  Two weeks ago, H blurted out that his friend went to the hospital.  Two weeks later, his friend still hasn’t come home and H, an expert easedropper, said that his friend may not be returning. He is beyond crushed.  It’s unclear what happened , how long his friend may need medical care or if he will return to the home they share and information privacy means we are experiencing the same uncertainty. 

 

 

As a parent we want to fix everything but this situation is beyond our control. Trying to remain supportive while preparing him for possible outcomes, I was reminded of a book on goaltending. My younger son was a goalie in the local youth hockey program.  He had the great privilege of taking some hockey lessons through a goalie training school owned by Robb Stauber, the only hockey goalie to earn the Hobey Baker award or as my youngest, my competitive optimist, would say, ‘the only goalie to win the Hobey Baker award so far.” In his book, Stauber describes a particularly poor game performance. As the game concluded, his Dad met him outside the locker room.  There wasn’t much his Dad could say, so he simply gave him a hug.  In that moment, it was the best support his Dad could offer. So we offer H the support of “guys” events, time spent together and much needed hugs. It doesn't fix anything, H is still on edge with life's uncertainly but it helps. I’m just not sure who it helps more.