Differences

With teens and dating, gender differences often emerge. I remember driving with my younger son and his friend in the backseat and overhearing my son tell his friend, who recently began dating, “no matter what you text, she will take it in the worse possible way”. Figuring out the opposite sex can be a mystery. For teens and young adults with special needs, just multiply that difference by ten. H loves the concept of having a girlfriend. He loves telling others he has a girlfriend. He loves the teasing reaction he gets when he reveals he has that special someone. Unfortunately for H it doesn’t end there. 

 

The difference in expectations became evident the first time his “girlfriend” came over to the house. After trying to pry some ideas from him for activities that she also might enjoy, we settled on watching SpongeBob in the family room. When she arrived and settled in the family room it quickly became apparent that she envisioned this time much differently then he did. When she sat down close to him on the sofa, he decided a nearby chair would be more comfortable. About halfway through their time together, she loudly said “H I love you”, followed by silence as H nervously kept his eyes glued to the TV. After a few minutes, she bravely and loudly tried again. “H I love you, do you love me?” Finally realizing that he needed to respond, he quickly replied as his voice nervously got louder and higher, “Yes B-----, when is your Mom coming?”

 

Somehow they managed to maintain this awkward dating status through the next year of high school. When she didn’t appreciate his humor or his inattentiveness, she would storm off with H totally oblivious to her frustration. When asked what happened, he would casually add “I guess she wanted to go over there”.

 

On the last day of high school, H happily marched into the house and showed me his yearbook with signatures from his friends and teachers. It was hard to miss the full page of writing signed by his girlfriend. It vacillated between talk of love, marriage and kids to wishes for good summer break. It was sweet and from the heart. 

Nervously, I had to ask. "H, this is really sweet, did you write in B’s book?”

“Yes“

“Can I ask what you wrote?”

”H-------“

“So you signed your name. What else did you write?”

“Just H--------!” as he proudly marched off, yearbook in hand.