In the Cards

 

With all of the different aspects of our medical journey with H, I would say behaviors are the toughest to manage. Some triggers became clear over time and some will likely always remain a mystery. We try to ask questions to understand why certain behaviors erupt but have quickly learned that just because a child is verbal does not mean that they can effectively communicate. When we offer suggestions for the cause of a meltdown, H will tell us, “Yes, that’s it” every time. It’s unlikely that we identified it correctly every time. It’s more likely that even H isn’t sure.

 

As he entered his teen years, screaming began to partner with swearing. Ignore it and it will stop is a technique that has some effect at home but is hard to do when you are in the middle of a large and busy store with families and small children nearby. Practicing your parade wave as he goes off on a blue streak only gets you so far. His behavior peaked at a summer conference. One trigger is a small child screaming or crying. H was fine in our hotel room and the day center with the older guys but transitions and mealtime proved too much and he had a major meltdown going through the dinner line. We quickly hugged him from behind pinning his flailing arms down which had already slammed down the lid of a food tray and walked him through the closest door while he screamed obscenities for all to hear. The door led to a kitchen where he sent a large bucket of filled with utensils to the floor. Later that month when the county case manager asked during an assessment if we would be interested in meeting with a behavior specialist and we quickly agreed.

 

The behavior specialist came to our house, met with us and with H. We filled out pages of information with H that addressed topics such as what triggers he had, his current behaviors and how he dealt with frustrations. H loved the behavior specialist. He would sit with the specialist and talk calmly about his behaviors. When the specialist suggested using cards to help him refocus, H quickly agreed and would practice with the specialist, able to recite each step and it’s importance. During every meeting H assured the specialist in a calm and happy disposition that he understood the procedure, could explain the steps and agreed it would help.

 

Soon after, H was in the family room hollering that he wanted things he knew he couldn’t have and it was quickly escalating. We thought we would use the option of choice as described by the behaviorist and asked him to choose a card. Not impressed, H batted them away. Determined to refocus, we each grabbed a card and held it in front of H calmly asking him to choose one to help him be calmer. I don’t remember his entire loud and escalated rant but I will always remember the finale – “and get those f@#%ing cards out of my face”. The following day H was calm and asking when he would see the behavioral specialist again to meet and discuss the cards. Ah, not likely anytime soon.

 

Behavior cards anyone? Just send your address.